How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
