so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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