Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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