Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
