Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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