Are we in a gay sports bar?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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