watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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