I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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