I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
