guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
