I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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