Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
