Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
