Can i not drive my cunt home
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
