I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
