he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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