Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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