you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
