I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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