Your face is a jimmy john
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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