I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
