yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
