I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
