went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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