I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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