She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
