It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
His nipple licking is glorious
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