i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I am naked and annoyed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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