My friends, they love my intelligence
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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