biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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