i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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