and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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