Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
