i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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