i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
