I'm eating all of the evidence.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
