Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
