Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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