i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
