On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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