fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We need to get me chipped asap
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
