My liver just broke up with me...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
