Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
