Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
