I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
