Im at strip club and am horny
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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