Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
