apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
