I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
