It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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