So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
