i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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