Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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