He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
